Call Myself Back
by Caveat Emptor
Summary: Yami Bakura's wish for his own body comes true...in a way. Ryou is shortly part of a love triangle involving himself, his yami, and a cross-dressing, amorous form of ancient Bakura. Rated for later chapters.
1. Prologue

Author's Note: Welcome to my debut in the realm of fanfiction. This is a fairly short chapter; I just wanted to put the prologue up and see if this writing style worked. This fic contains shounen-ai, so don't continue if you don't like that. Questions, comments, and constructive criticism are appreciated.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or any other fine mangas/animes  
  
*'Kura, what's the matter?*  
  
Yami Bakura, Tomb Robber and general-purpose thief extraordinaire, was sulking.  
  
*'Kura, won't you please answer me?*  
  
No response.  
  
*I know you're paying attention, 'Kura. I can always tell.*  
  
Still, only silence. Ryou Bakura found himself questioning his own sanity. It wasn't the first time, either. He was getting upset because a voice in his head WASN'T speaking to him, for goodness sakes.  
  
*Say something, 'Kura, won't you?* he pleaded.  
  
**Something.**  
  
"You are being so diffi-" Ryou began.  
  
*-cult,* he finished silently, hoping his father hadn't heard him reproaching himself. *Well, maybe you'll be happy when they send me to the psychiatric ward, 'Kura.*  
  
**No, then I would be even more bored than I am now.** Ryou got a mental picture of his dark half stretching like a cat (he still wasn't sure how Bakura managed that, even if it WAS only in his head).  
  
*So you're finished with this particular bout of moodiness?*  
  
**Not really,** Bakura sighed, giving himself an air of long suffering. **Until my current situation improves, I'm afraid I can't get over it.**  
  
*What current situation would that be?* Ryou asked exasperatedly. *The one where I'm sharing my body with you, quite willingly I might add?*  
  
**That's the problem,** Bakura informed him. **Our relationship is just not what it should be.**  
  
Ryou was confused. Their relationship seemed nice to him, albeit dysfunctional. But what could one expect, when a mild-mannered British boy was involved with a maniacal ex-Tomb Robber? *What? I know we quarrel sometimes-often,* he amended. *But I thought we were-*  
  
**Oh, not that,** Bakura snorted. **I'm hardly one of those 'therapists'. What did you think I wanted, marriage counseling?**  
  
*You watch too much television,* Ryou said. *It's very odd, hearing an ancient Egyptian spirit say, 'marriage counseling'.*  
  
**Well it's odd to hear you say 'asparagus',** Bakura retorted. Ryou started to point out that that didn't make any sense, but his yami was talking again.  
  
**The problem is, I need a body of my own.**  
  
*Oh?* Ryou asked. *You suddenly NEED one? Why? Are you-* He was suddenly nervous. *Are you sick of me, then?*  
  
**No, no.** Bakura rolled his mental eyes. **You are ridiculously neurotic sometimes.**  
  
*Then what is it?*  
  
**You're so pretty, it would be fun to see you from outside,** Bakura explained sweetly.  
  
Ryou wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. *Isn't 'pretty' usually for girls?*  
  
**Well you ARE very feminine. Handsome would hardly be appropriate.**  
  
*So that's it?* Ryou asked skeptically. *You NEED your own body so you can better admire how pretty and girlish I am?*  
  
**Among other things.**  
  
*What other things?*  
  
**Let's just say it doesn't help that you keep-** Bakura paused. **Never mind.**  
  
*Not 'never mind'!* Ryou said indignantly. *What do you mean, other things? Oh no,* he added, with a flash of foreboding. *You want to be a thief again, don't you?*  
  
There was a mental noise that felt like a suppressed laugh, then Bakura agreed quickly, **That, yes.**  
  
Then there was silence for a moment, although, Ryou supposed, that was a meaningless statement, given that the conversation was in their heads anyway. After thinking that out, and waiting another few seconds for Bakura to continue, Ryou prompted, *And?*  
  
**And what?** It was hard to tell if Bakura was actually surprised, or just feigning it.  
  
Ryou decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and explain 'and what?'.*And, why else do you NEED a body right now?*  
  
**It's very boring, staying in my soul room all the time.**  
  
*I could let you have my body more often,* Ryou offered.  
  
There was another suppressed mental chuckle. **That would defeat the point.**  
  
*What point?*  
  
**The point of me having my own body, of course.**  
  
*Which is?*  
  
**I told you already.**  
  
*No, you didn't. You said I keep doing something, and that's why you need your own body. And,* Ryou said, letting some of his frustration show through, *it sounds as though you keep laughing at me. So what's the truth?*  
  
**I told you: I want to be a thief again.**  
  
*No, I asked you if that was it, and you laughed and said, 'yes, that'.*  
  
**I don't think I understand the problem.**  
  
Ryou was about to tell him that he knew perfectly well what the problem was, and was being difficult again, and then...  
  
"Ryou?"  
  
Ryou let out a small scream and jumped about ten feet into the air from his position on the sofa. "Oh, hello, father," Ryou managed, smiling weakly.  
  
**You can't say that scream wasn't feminine.**  
  
"Oh, quiet about that already."  
  
"Ryou, wha-?" His father looked at him strangely.  
  
"Oh, not you," Ryou said hastily. "I was thinking about something one of my friends said earlier. That's why I was startled, you see. I was deep in thought."  
  
"So you're all right?" his father asked with concern. "When you screamed, I thought-"  
  
"Oh, no, I'm fine," Ryou assured him. "You just startled me, that's all."  
  
"I'm sorry," his father apologized. Then he brightened. "I see you're still wearing that pendant I gave you. You had it on at the airport yesterday too. Do you wear it all the time?"  
  
**As if I'd let you take it off.**  
  
"No, I mean, yes, I do. I really like it," Ryou said, smiling for real. "Thank you again."  
  
"You're welcome," his father said, flashing a grin in return.  
  
It was quiet for a minute as Ryou's father shifted his weight uncomfortably. Then he glanced down at his watch. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ryou, I'd best get back to work," and he hurried out of the room.  
  
"Well, that went better than usual," Ryou murmured to himself.  
  
**Unlike yesterday?**  
  
*Very unlike,* Ryou sighed. The day before, he'd been so in the habit of talking aloud to his dark, that he'd done that the whole way home. He was surprised his father hadn't made a stop at the hospital.  
  
**You should let me talk to him myself sometime,** Bakura suggested.  
  
*Don't get any ideas, I'm not that desperate for father-son time,* Ryou said firmly. *Besides, it's getting better. He actually talked to me a bit before running off.*  
  
**He could have thought of a more likely excuse,** Bakura said in disgust. **It's not as though he works on a schedule. He's an archaeologist.**  
  
*He has deadlines...* Ryou trailed off as his dark raised a mental eyebrow. *You're right,* he admitted. *He's not a very good liar.*  
  
**Neither are you.**  
  
*That's true, too.*  
  
**How did I end up living with the two most sickeningly honest people in the world?** Bakura wondered.  
  
*If you think I've forgotten our earlier conversation, I haven't,* Ryou warned. *I still want to know why you NEED your own body.*  
  
**Aren't we meeting the Pharaoh and his assorted lackeys today?**  
  
"Oh my goodness!" Ryou exclaimed out loud. He quickly stood up and looked at the clock. "I completely forgot! We're already late!" He headed for the front door, then paused. "Father! I'm going to see a movie with my friends!"  
  
"All right," came his father's somewhat muffled reply. "Let me know when you get back, Ryou."  
  
"I will!" Ryou called back, already halfway out the door. *And don't think I won't remember what we were talking about,* Ryou told Bakura as sternly as he could manage.  
  
Author's Note: Please review and tell me if you would like to see this continued! Thank you! ^-^ 


	2. An Odd One, That Malik

Author's Note: I very much appreciate all the reviews! I'm glad that I have an audience for this, and I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well! Also, I'm sorry I took so long to update; I got involved with a number of other projects. I'll make this fic a priority now!

Disclaimer: If I owned YGO! would I bother typing 'disclaimer'? No. 

Pharaoh Atemu.Bakura's mind voice was filled with ill-concealed rage. I want to talk to him.

Ryou sighed to himself. /Are you going to turn into a homicidal maniac _again?_/ This happened every single time Bakura saw Yami in control of the body he shared with Yugi.

No.Bakura's snarling reply did nothing to reassure his hikari. I just want to talk to him face-to-face. Please?he added sweetly, apparently realizing that he wasn't being very convincing.

Ryou tried not to roll his eyes. /You ask this every single time you see him. Remember what happened last time I let you out near the Pharaoh?/

Ah...no.

/Let me remind you, then. You pulled a knife out of that display in the kitchenware store and went after him./

Oh...that.

/_Yes,_ that!/ Ryou was rightfully indignant. /So can I stop hiding in the Gap and go meet them now? You won't seize control of the body or anything?/ He was actually quite anxious to get out of the store. There were three girls from school in there, all of whom he'd refused to date.

Of course not, Ryou.Bakura sounded hurt. I haven't done that in a long time. I promised I wouldn't

/Right. It's only been six months since the last time you broke that promise./ Then, in an attempt to placate his dark: /I'll ask Yami to switch back with Yugi, all right?/

Excellent, the Pharaoh in midget form.

Ignoring Bakura's last sarcastic remark, Ryou marched determinedly out of the Gap and to the movie theatre's entrance. Everyone waved and smiled when they saw him. "Hey, Ryou!" Anzu said cheerfully. "We were worried you'd never get here!"

"Sorry, I forgot," Ryou apologized. He was carefully avoiding any eye contact with Yami, for fear that Bakura would go loony on him again. "What movie are we seeing?"

"We dunno yet," Jounouchi explained, grinning. "We can't agree on one."

"There is no way I'm seeing that romantic comedy," Honda stated flatly, crossing his arms.

"So you want to see one whose plot line is completely made up of explosions?" Mai asked distastefully. "Just like a man."

"Whaddaya think, Ryou?" Jou asked.

"Um..." Ryou really hated to make decisions like this. "I'm not sure..."

How about the one with the explosions?Bakura suggested hopefully.

"But I'm in the mood for a romantic comedy," Ryou finished.

"Awww," Honda groaned. "I should've known you'd side with the girls."

Me too,Bakura agreed in disgust.

"I'm not a girl," Malik objected. "I voted romantic comedy too."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot," Honda commented, eyeing Malik up and down. "I mean I forgot what you voted," he added quickly as Malik glared at him. "Not that you were a guy."

"Damn right," Malik muttered.

"C'mon, you guys," Yugi piped up. Ryou sighed in relief when he heard this, thankful that Yugi and Yami had the sense to switch back without him even asking. "We can see the movie we don't see now next weekend."

Bug-eyed, midget Pharaoh.

"Which means romantic comedy now," Honda said, in a way that indicated he was resigned to his fate. "If you didn't always vote with your sister, Jounouchi..."

"I wouldn't be a real good brother then, would I?" Jou replied with a grin, as Otogi elbowed Honda good-naturedly. Shizuka smiled at her brother.

What a lot of idiots,Bakura muttered.

"I do NOT look like a girl!" Malik suddenly said (nearly shouted) aloud. Everyone stared at him, startled. Malik glared around at them all. "When you have a madman listing all your feminine qualities in your head, then you can look at me like that!"

I know what you're thinking.

Ryou decided not to comment. It was a wonder that everyone else wasn't used to outbursts like that yet. Between Yugi, who sometimes laughed at things no one else could hear, Malik, who was arguably as crazy as his yami, and himself-well, they pretty much had a whole psychiatric ward of their very own.

There was general pandemonium as they lined up for tickets. Ryou edged toward the back of the line, since Yugi was at the front of it. One could never be too careful with a certain tomb robber.

I resent the implication, hikari dearest.

Suddenly, someone spoke, fairly loudly, right next to his ear. "Ry-chan!" Ryou whirled around in surprise. Somehow, he hadn't even noticed that Malik was behind him.

Malik, who had evidently switched from 'angry lunatic' mode to 'super friendly lunatic' mode, was beaming at him. "Ry-chan, it's been so long!" he exclaimed delightedly. Then he leaped at Ryou and hugged him.

That little-

Ryou had other things to worry about than his yami, however. For one, he suspected that Malik's intentions were not strictly platonic. This theory was supported by the fact that Malik's hand was on his butt.

Ryou tried to disentangle himself from the boa constrictor-like hug. Vaguely he realized that Bakura was debating with himself the best way to turn Malik into a eunuch.

Everyone else had bought their tickets, and were now staring at Ryou and Malik with the kind of morbid fascination with which some people stare at car wrecks.

"Well, he does that to everyone," Otogi offered lamely. Ryou wasn't sure if Otogi was trying to make him feel better, or just commenting for lack of anything better to do. Everyone else was nodding their heads, verifying Duke's statement. Well, almost everyone.

"He's never done that to _me_," Honda said, nearly sounding indignant.

Ryou wondered if he'd have to live the rest of his life with Malik attached. The other boy didn't seem inclined to let go.

"You have the best hair, Ry-chan," Malik informed him. "Except mine, of course!"

"Um, thank you," Ryou managed to gasp. He decided it was time for desperate measures. /'Kura, help!/

Of course!Bakura replied, only too happy to do so. Gleefully he took control of the body. He wrenched one hand out of Malik's death grip of a hug and smacked him across the face.

Malik let go...momentarily. He looked at Bakura for a second, then squealed, "Kura-chan! It's been even longer!" He wrapped a stunned Bakura in a hug identical to the one he'd just given Ryou. "I forgive you for slapping me, 'Kura-chan," he cooed.

/Oh, great,/ Ryou moaned.

Don't worry,Bakura replied grimly. I'll get rid of him.

/Um...okay,/ Ryou said, not sure whether this was really the best idea. /Just...nothing too violent, 'Kura./

Bakura didn't respond. Not a good sign.

Just at that moment, Malik decided to let go. Or rather, Yami Malik did, having just switched places with his other half. He was chuckling to himself. Also not a good sign.

Ryou became aware of the fact that his friends were all looking nervous. Which made sense, he admitted. Neither Bakura nor Yami Malik were known for their abilities to behave outside of a straitjacket. Both were, however, known for their pyromaniacal tendencies.

"Heh heh heh. That was fun, but I can't let you kill my light side, Tomb Robber," Yami Malik stated with a grin.

Up until that very moment, Ryou had forgotten who was public enemy number two on Bakura's list. Now he remembered, and could have strangled himself. /Bakura, don't do anything to him!/ he pleaded.

Don't worry, Ry-chan,Bakura assured him in a sugary voice.

/I'm worried already,/ said Ryou.

So suspicious,Bakura sighed, sounding much aggrieved. Then he smiled back at Yami Malik. Somehow, the sight of both of them smiling did nothing to help anyone become less anxious. "It's so nice to see you again," Bakura said.

"Yes, very pleasant," Yami Malik returned. His Cheshire cat smirk made Ryou want to close his eyes and scream. "Stolen anything good lately?"

"Not much." Bakura rolled his eyes. "You see, my hikari makes things like that rather difficult, I'm afraid."

/Bakura!/

Sorry, dear. But it's true.

"What a shame," Yami Malik replied. It was hard to tell whether he was sincere or not. Ryou noted that everyone else had fled into the relative safety of the movie theater. The 'safety' was merely because the movie theater was a space that Bakura and Yami Malik didn't happen to be occupying.

"Actually, now that we're both here, there's something I wanted to ask you about." Bakura's tone was light and conversational. /You sound like a couple of my aunts chatting,/ Ryou commented.

"Reeeeeally," Yami Malik asked with interest, his eyes and his grin both growing wider-something Ryou hadn't thought possible. Even Bakura flinched a little.

"Ah...yes." Bakura subtly averted his eyes. "You see, I need a body of my own."

/What?/ Ryou was very surprised. /Why are you asking _him_?/ 

Because, he's the only person who might know,Bakura answered irritably. Except the Pharaoh.Bakura's mental tone made it quite clear that he would rather be eaten by crocodiles than ask the _Pharaoh_.

"Don't we all," Yami Malik said fondly. "Why would that be?"

"Because I do," Bakura snapped, dropping the pretense of politeness. "I haven't had a body of my own for thousands of years, and now I'm stuck with a timeshare!"

"Oh?" Yami Malik arched one eyebrow. "Hmm. I can think of several things for which you'd need a body of your own..."

"If you know how, then tell me," Bakura said impatiently. "If you don't, you're useless to me."

Yami Malik stared at him for a full minute, not changing his semi-maniacal expression at all.

/What's he doing?/ Ryou asked, with a sort of horrified curiosity.

I have no idea. Maybe he died,Bakura suggested hopefully. He waved a hand in front of Yami Malik's face.

Yami Malik abruptly snapped out of it. "I know what you could do," he said quietly.

"You do?" Bakura asked him.

"Yes." Yami Malik's tone was solemn. "You could..."

"What?" Bakura demanded. _"What?"_

"Ask the Pharaoh!" Yami Malik burst out into hysterical evil laughter. Some passers-by shot him frightened looks. A mother with two young children quickly dragged her children past. One old lady let out a scream. Ryou hoped she wouldn't have a heart attack; Yami Malik had affected at least three other senior citizens that way.

/Uh-oh,/ Ryou said in a very small mind voice. The Millennium Ring had started to glow. Bakura was having a hard time controlling himself, Ryou could tell. /Um, 'Kura?/

Yes?Bakura asked, sounding very strained. Yami Malik was still having fits of laughter.

_Please don't blow him up,_ Ryou thought to himself. _Not in the mall._ Of course, even Ryou had to admit that Yami Malik was pretty annoying.

Glad you think so,Bakura said, baring his teeth. He'll be splattered on the walls very shortly.The Millennium Ring glowed brighter.

/'Kura, don't!/ Ryou burst into Bakura's soul room and desperately did the only thing he could think of to distract the furious spirit. He leaped at him and tackled him.

Of course, Bakura's physical body wasn't affected, but he was definitely startled. Ryou!A second later, they both realized that Ryou's mental self was still on top of Bakura's. Well, this is nice,Bakura said, with a grin that rivaled Yami Malik's.

Ryou blushed. /That wasn't the point, 'Kura./

Yami Malik had stopped laughing, and was now looking at Bakura oddly. "What in the name of Ra are you _doing_?"

"Oh, nothing," Bakura said, waving a hand in dismissal. "You clearly don't know how to get me my own body. Go and watch the movie."

Yami Malik was taken aback. "Ah-but..."

Ryou, meanwhile, had gotten up (as it were, given that he wasn't actually physical). /Sorry, 'Kura,/ he apologized, embarrassed. /It was all I could think of to stop you.../

Feel free to stop me like that anytime,Bakura purred. Ryou made a hasty exit, and went back to his own soul room.

"I know how you can get your own body," Yami Malik finished triumphantly.

"What?" Bakura asked quickly.

/What?/ asked Ryou, amazed. /But then...why doesn't he use it for himself?/

Good question, hikari.Ryou found himself blushing again. "Then why don't you use it to get a body for yourself?" Bakura asked Yami Malik, narrowing his eyes.

"Heh heh heh," Yami Malik chuckled again. "It's very, very dangerous. You would risk the wrath of the gods, and death. Besides," he added, "It might not work, since I've never had a body that was just my own."

"Ah," said Bakura thoughtfully. "So, what is it?"

"It's at the museum," Yami Malik informed him. "An amulet from Egypt. It could probably be worked with the power of a Millennium artifact. I don't remember exactly where it is, but my light does."

/Don't let him out!/ Ryou cried, forgetting that he wasn't currently in charge of his body. But by the time Bakura echoed his words, it was too late.

"'Kura-chan!" Malik exclaimed. "I'm _so_ glad you asked us!"

"Yes, yes," Bakura said, trying to shut the Tomb Keeper up. "Just tell me where it is."

"Fine, I will," Malik said, sighing dramatically. "Sometimes I think you all liked it better when I _wasn't_ friendly."

"Get _on_ with it," Bakura insisted.

Malik sighed again. "It's on the second floor, on the left side if you're facing the front of the museum. You take ten paces forward off the elevator, turn right, then twelve steps that way. It's in the middle display case. It's gold, shaped like a crocodile."

"Thank you very much, Malik," Bakura said, sounding sincere enough that Malik believed him.

"You're welcome, 'Kura-chan! And Ry-chan too!" Malik said brightly. Bakura threw himself out of the way of another hug. Malik laughed, and blew him a kiss instead.

"Oh, ah, Malik," Bakura said, "tell everyone else that we're _very_ sorry that we had to miss the movie."

/We're going to the museum now?/ Ryou asked. /But it's closed, 'Kura./

Not an obstacle, dear,Bakura said. Ryou could picture the glint in his eye.

"I will!" Malik told him, and walked away.

He even _walks_ like a girl,Bakura commented, watching him. Now, let's go.

/This seems like a bad idea,/ Ryou said warily.

I thought you wanted me to have my own body.

Ryou didn't point out that he was talking about breaking into the museum.

As Malik walked away, he asked Yami Malik, /Should I have told them more about that amulet?/

Do you mean, things like the fact that it's an amulet of Seth, god of destruction?/

/Yes, like that./

No, that's not overly important, I don't think.And they both burst into insane giggles.

Author's Note: Reviews are much appreciated! 


	3. Breaking and Entering is Fun

Author's Note: I'm so glad people like this fic! I'm updating quickly this time (a first), and I'll try to update fairly consistently. Oh, also, in the last chapter I tried using double back slashes for when Bakura 'spoke' to Ryou, but they didn't show up. This time, =blah= isBakura to Ryou, /blah/ is Ryou to Bakura. I'll change the other chapters to match, eventually.

Ryou wondered why he got himself into such idiotic situations.

"Because you love me, of course," his yami informed him with their mouth, which he was currently controlling.

Ryou wasn't sure if breaking into the Domino History museum was a-well-_healthy_ expression of love. Somehow, he doubted it. /You remember about the security system, right, Bakura?/

=What, like the one at the convenience store? The one with the ridiculously loud alarms and sirens?=

Ah, yes. Ryou remembered the convenience store fiasco only too well. Bakura had broken in the back door at 3:00 AM, rendered the clerk unconscious, and walked calmly out with his prize-a single package of chewing gum. Ryou would never tell him 'why don't you get it for yourself?' again. /Yes. So you know how to get past it, then?/

=Don't be silly. Of course I do.=

/Ah...good./ Right. Just excellent. Now he was aiding and abetting the criminal. _Oh well,_ Ryou realized. _The criminal's using my body, anyway._ Somehow, Ryou knew the police wouldn't believe that it was actually the looney in his head who had decided to waltz right into the closed museum. He could just picture it. "Right, and, officer? I take a size 4 straitjacket."

=Don't be so dramatic,= Bakura scolded. =All I have to do is clip a few wires, walk in, take the amulet, and walk out. What could go wrong?=

/I can only think of about fifty things, offhand,/ Ryou replied dryly.

=Don't worry so much,= Bakura admonished cheerfully. =I've been doing this for a while, you know.=

/I know,/ Ryou told him. /Believe me, I know. Um, Bakura?/

=Yes, dearest?=

/You _do_ know the way to the museum, right?/

=Of course I do!=

/It's just that we're walking through a lot of alleys, 'Kura. Isn't the museum on Eighth street?/

"Oh!" Bakura suddenly exclaimed, stopping.

/What?/ Ryou asked, alarmed. /Are you lost?/

"No-o," Bakura said, with a small chuckle. "It's just...you thought we were going to walk right in the front door?"

/There's another door?/ Ryou asked in surprise.

Bakura sighed. "You wouldn't think I'd forget that you're not a thief." He shook his head and continued walking.

/No,/ Ryou agreed. Then there was silence, until Bakura started humming quietly. Ryou was amazed. He hadn't known his yami was musical. He listened for a minute, then had to ask. /'Kura, what's that?/

=What's what?= Bakura asked, quickly looking around.

/No, sorry. I meant what you were humming. It's beautiful./

Bakura smiled imperceptibly...to anyone but his light, that was. =It's from Egypt. I learned it on the street, when I wasn't robbing tombs yet.=

/Wow,/ Ryou said, impressed. /I like it. Does it have words?/

=Oh, yes,= Bakura told him.

/Can I hear them?/

=Well, it's hard to translate, but basically, it goes 'Filthy son of jackals, may your liver be devoured by crocodiles-=

/Um./

='May your soul be devoured and live forever in the stinking belly of a hippo-'=

/Um, 'Kura?/

=Yes?=

/It's a lovely song-/ Ryou searched for a diplomatic way to put it. /But...ah, it's not very nice is it?/

=That one?= Bakura inquired. He sounded genuinely surprised. =That one's not bad at all, really. You should hear the one we sang about the Pharaoh.=

/Er, no thanks,/ Ryou said hastily.

=We're here!= Bakura announced. They were in front of a drab little door on the side of the museum. There was a numerical keypad next to it, and a sensor above it.

/I hope my father won't mind bailing me out of jail,/ Ryou said gloomily.

=Have some faith in me,= Bakura grinned.

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As it turned out, Ryou's fears were misplaced. After studying the sensor for about five minutes, Bakura climbed partway up the wall (Ryou wasn't entirely sure how; he hadn't thought his body capable of such things) and opened the cover of the box. He cut some of the wires with a pair of wire clippers Ryou hadn't known he'd been carrying, and, miraculously, there was a buzz and the door swung open.

Ryou didn't bother asking how a tomb robber from ancient Egypt could figure out modern technology better than he could. He was just grateful that it was true.

"All right, what did that psychotic Egyptian say?" Bakura murmured.

Ryou decided it was better not to comment on that.

"Let's see, left side, left side." Bakura walked silently, carefully, past statues and paintings. Then, he halted abruptly.

/What? What's wrong?/ Ryou asked anxiously. /Do you hear something-oh./ He had just noticed the case full of gold jewelry.

Bakura let out a hiss of breath. =Why even bother sneaking in, if only to steal one thing...?=

/No!/ Ryou exclaimed, horrified, but not altogether unsurprised. /We're doing this for a _reason_, remember? Not a greedy, selfish reason-well.../ he trailed off. /Well, a bit selfish. But don't you think about it, 'Kura!/

=Too late, hikari,= Bakura said, staring at the jewelry. They were bedecked with precious gems, and they caught the light in such...a nice...way...

Ryou snapped himself out of it. /I'm going to turn into a jewel thief one day, you know, 'Kura. And it'll be your fault!/

=Excellent!= the ex-Tomb Robber responded happily. =We could work as a team! We could become world-infamous...= he mused.

It was not exactly the answer Ryou had been hoping for. /No, that is _not_ a good thing. I was a completely upstanding citizen before you came along!/

=I'm glad to have helped,= Bakura said smugly, with a hint of a laugh.

Ryou was beginning to think that he was going insane. He was in a closed museum that he (technically speaking) had broken into, planning to steal something that was most likely priceless, and he was debating with the voice in his head whether or not they should steal something else, as well.

=I mean, as long as we're here,= Bakura said, doing his best to sound reasonable, =we might as well make some side profit, don't you think?=

/Oh, as long as we're here, oh brilliant. Shall we snag some valuable paintings while we're at it?/

=Hmm...but they'd be hard to carry and hide,= Bakura said thoughtfully. =Maybe some of the smaller sculptures, though...=

/I wasn't serious, 'Kura!/ Ryou exclaimed.

=Neither was I. You're so easy to tease.=

/Well, we're not stealing anything else except what we came for,/ Ryou said, only slightly mollified.

=Fine, fine. Such a waste of a good opportunity, though.=

/Why did I get the _thief_ for a yami?/ asked Ryou despairingly.

=Oh?= Bakura asked. =You would rather have Malik's yami?=

/No,/ Ryou said with a shudder. /No, definitely not./ Yami Malik was sexy-but that was all he had going for him, in Ryou's opinion.

=You think he's sexy?= There was something that might have been hurt in Bakura's tone. _One of the disadvantages of a mindlink,_ Ryou thought dismally. _I really have to learn to control that better..._ /No, 'Kura, I said, sexy but nothing else. Whereas you're sexy _and_-um-sane./

=Well, that's all right, then,= Bakura replied with satisfaction. =As long as you're not planning to run off with him.=

/You really have some bizarre ideas, 'Kura./

=Oh, look! There it is!= Bakura said, changing the subject. =Rather a big amulet.=

/It is,/ Ryou agreed, still contemplating how Bakura would ever think that he would ever run off with _Yami Malik_, off all people.

Bakura looked the display case over. =Hmm. I think the easy way would work.= The amulet vanished.

/What did you-/ Ryou felt the weight of the cool gold crocodile in their palm. /How did you _do_ that?/

=I sent it to the Shadow Realm, and then brought it back, but out here,= Bakura told him, immensely pleased with himself.

/Why didn't you do that with the gum?/

=The Shadow Realm isn't good for the flavor.=

/Oh. Right./ So Bakura had almost gotten him arrested so that his gum wouldn't be de-flavored by a trip to the Shadow Realm. /I have to say, you've definitely made my life more interesting./

=I know, my dear innocent hikari.= Bakura inspected the amulet closely. =Rather plain thing.=

Ryou suddenly had an awful thought. /'Kura! What about the security cameras?/

=You don't give me much credit, do you?= Bakura asked. =I used my shadow powers to fix _that_ before we came in.= He smiled and started walking towards the door they'd used. =All they'll see is the amulet vanishing.=

/Sorry, I do know you're a good thief./ Ryou apologized. /It's just that I've never really robbed anywhere before. Which is a good thing,/ he added.

=Of course.=

/And don't think this will be a regular occurence, 'Kura,/ Ryou warned.

=Of _course_ not.= Somehow, this didn't comfort Ryou overly much, especially since what Bakura said next was, =I could use some gum.=

/NO!/ Ryou said vehemently.

Bakura laughed. =Heheheh. So easy to tease. You're so cute.=

Ryou had to admit, it was true. Not necessarily the cute part, though. Well, maybe.

Bakura walked casually out the side door and into the alley, closing the door behind him. =So. Where should we go to try this?=

/_Not_ the house. Father's there, remember?/

=Ah, yes. How inconvenient.=

/Well, it-he-he'll be gone soon,/ Ryou finished. He'd intended to defend his father, but it _was_ inconvenient. There was no way he could tell his father about his dark (well, no good, believable way that wouldn't end up with him visiting a psychiatrist). It was very, _very_ difficult to balance his relationship with his father and the one he had with Bakura.

=How about an old warehouse?= Bakura suggested. =I know one close to here.=

/You know this city better than I do,/ Ryou commented. /How did _that_ happen?

=A thief has to know all the good hiding places,= Bakura replied. =Remember that, dearest.=.

/I hope I never have to use the knowledge,/ Ryou said darkly. /Yes, an old warehouse sounds perfect./

Bakura took off at a sort of odd loping gait. It was smooth, graceful, and covered a good distance with each stride. Ryou thought, _It would be nice to see_ him _from the outside, too._

=Why thank you, hikari,= Bakura purred. Ryou blushed. /I didn't mean for you to hear that./ Bakura just chuckled.

The old warehouse was fairly run down. Ryou was a bit nervous. /This building isn't likely to fall down, is it?/

"No," Bakura said aloud, confidently. "I've been here often enough. It won't fall."

/Do I even want to know when this was that you were here?/

"Probably not." Bakura looked at the amulet again. The little crocodile's jaws seemed wider than they had been. Ryou figured it was just his imagination. "I wonder how it works."

/I have no idea./

"Hmm." The Millennium Ring began to glow faintly. A moment passed, and then the crocodile amulet started to glow, too. "Ah, good! Now..." The Ring flared, as bright as any light bulb Ryou had seen.

/Wait! Are you sure you want to do this?/ asked Ryou anxiously. /I mean, after what Yami Malik said, I'm worried. What if you-I mean-what if something happens?/

Bakura was abruptly in Ryou's soul room. =You're cute when you're worried, too,= Bakura told him, flashing a grin. =But _don't_ worry. You know that Yami Malik is a drama queen.= He ran a hand through Ryou's hair (or whatever soul hair was called), and said, =I'll be fine.=

The Ring shone again, even more brilliantly. Bakura said, out loud, "I wish for my own body, after millennia of lacking one. Will the gods of Egypt grant my request?" 

/How do you know what to say?/ Ryou asked, impressed.

=It was a guess,= Bakura said, shrugging. =I've never asked the gods for anything before.=

/Well, it sounded official./

=But nothing's hap-= Bakura's tone was disappointed.

**Somewhere far away**

**The god Seth smiled. The Tomb Robber had always been so amusing. Perhaps his request _should_ be granted...**

Suddenly the amulet flashed, blinding them.

Ryou blinked, trying to see. He realized with a start that he was back in control of the body. "'Kura?"

Then, his vision cleared. Standing not a foot in front of him, was a man who looked a lot like him. A man with white hair, and very tanned skin. Who wasn't wearing all that much clothing. Oddly enough, what he _was_ wearing looked like a skirt. Ryou's first thought, much to his later chagrin, was _Malik and Yugi are going to be so jealous..._

"Bakura?" Ryou asked, not that he thought it would be anyone else.

The man...Bakura, Ryou corrected himself...seemed to really look at Ryou for the first time. He grinned, sharp teeth gleaming. "Well, you _are_ pretty, aren't you?"

Before Ryou could object, the distance was closed between them, and he was being passionately kissed. Very nicely, too. Ryou thought, _This really_ was _a good idea._

Author's note: Sorry to end it there, heh. Please review, and I'll try to add another chapter soon!


	4. All Heck Breaks Loose

Author's Note: I apologize for taking so long on this chapter. I was writing on several different deadlines, then I was out of the country. Again, sorry. I'll have another chapter up by...oh, next Friday, I believe.

Disclaimer: See previous chapters

The newly solid Bakura flicked his tongue out against Ryou's lower lip. At the same time, he slid one hand to the white-haired boy's hip to pull him in closer.

Waves of pleasure coursed through Ryou's whole body as he opened his mouth slightly, allowing a warm tongue to enter, and he shivered delightedly. _This is so nice,_ he thought vaguely. _Except for that little voice in my head, this would be perfect…_

-You hikari molesting son of filthy, thieving hyenas! Stop doing that to my innocent little Ryou!-

Ryou's eyes snapped open. _Wait a minute. _/'Kura?/

Ryou pushed away from the kiss, suddenly a bit worried. The Egyptian in front of him raised an eyebrow.

-Finally you listen to me!- Bakura-in-his-head raged. -Let me out, and I'll kill him for you!-

/No, no, no!/ Ryou exclaimed, desperately trying to keep the spirit in check. /Stop it, for goodness' sake!/

"Perhaps you would like to explain where I am and who you are?" the Bakura-looking-Egyptian suggested with a sort of disturbing smile.

Ryou found himself unable to do anything but gape. /If that's not you, 'Kura, then WHO DID I JUST KISS?/

-A perverted hikari molester, that's who!!-

Ryou felt fairly ready to faint. /Oh, good, I just French kissed a complete stranger who happens to look like my yami. My day is complete./

The Bakura-looking-Egyptian (for lack of a better term) was staring at him with one eyebrow raised. Ryou fought an urge to scream and run. Somehow he didn't think it would be a good idea.

-That damnable amulet!- Bakura hissed. -And Marik! I will personally see to it that he makes it to the afterlife ahead of schedule!-

/Maybe if we use the amulet again?/ Ryou suggested.

-Yes, and return this piece of crocodile refuse to whatever place he came from!!-

Just then, Ryou noticed a key piece of information. /Um. Where did it go?/

-The piece of crocodile refuse?-

/No, the AMULET, 'Kura, the AMULET!!!/

-WHAT?-

At that moment, said piece of crocodile refuse stated thoughtfully, "So, you're a witless serving girl, then?"

Ryou's eyes opened, if possible, even wider, until he was sure he looked like a mental institution escapee. He had to make several attempts before actually forming a coherent sentence. "I AM NOT A GIRL!"

Bakura suddenly exclaimed, -I think that _is _me!-, before laughing himself silly.

The Egyptian shrugged. "Either way, you're good looking. You look like me, you know," he said, scrutinizing Ryou's face closely.

Ryou honestly doubted that things could go downhill from that point. He was proven thoroughly wrong a moment later.

"Ry-chan!" To Ryou's never ending horror, there was Malik, at the factory door, holding a camera.

Are people conspiring to make all of my worst nightmares come true? Ryou wondered.

"I got it all on film!" Malik cooed to him. "That look on your face will be worth preserving, don't you think?"

-Kill him!- Bakura urged. Ryou would've gladly obeyed, but he was rather frozen on the spot.

"And what do we have here?" Malik purred, face abruptly sly. He walked up to the Bakura-looking-Egyptian with a predatory grin, shoving Ryou to the side. "Did 'Kura-chan get his wish after all?"

The tall, white-haired boy gazed at Malik for a minute, then shook his head. "Not as pretty as that one," he said, jabbing a thumb in Ryou's direction. Ryou wasn't sure whether to be happy or not.

Malik was dumbstruck for a second. Then he whipped out the Millennium Rod and yelled, "Those who cannot appreciate my beauty, DIE!!"

The Bakura-looking-Egyptian pulled out three knives from goodness knew where, obviously ready to use them. Ryou thought about running again, but he was too dazed to implement that plan.

Bakura took advantage of Ryou's confusion to take control of the body. He grabbed the Rod from Malik and whacked him soundly over the head with it. The blonde shrieked and tried to take the Rod back, but Bakura dodged easily.

The other Bakura looked on in fascination, at least until Bakura (the spirit) snatched away his knives.

I'm really going insane now, Ryou thought, bewildered.

"No fighting," Bakura said coolly.

/You're one to talk!/

Then, there was chaos.

Marik had switched places with Malik, and lunged toward the Millennium Rod that Bakura was still holding. Bakura quickly used the other Bakura as a human shield, pushing him into Marik's way.

Unfortunately (Ryou supposed), the other Bakura's instincts were just as good as spirit Bakura's, and the Egyptian sidestepped in time.

Marik was left with no one to assault, but regained his composure nicely, making a smooth turn so he could face the two Bakuras again.

All three of them stood, glaring at each other. Ryou was sort of glad that at least only his yami was armed. One psycho out of three wasn't bad, and the armed one happened to be _his _psycho.

"All right," Bakura announced. "Now I will decide what to do, and both of you will shut up."

/'Kura, don't do anything-/

Bakura aimed the Millennium Rod at the other Bakura. "Now, for molesting my hikari, you die."

/-violent,/ Ryou finished with a groan. /Stop it, 'Kura!/

-But he...-

/I don't care, you can't kill anyone./

-Well, I _can…-_

/If you kill him, I'll never speak to you again!/

-Can I kill Marik, at least?-

/Well…/

-Is that a yes?-

/No!/

"Hurry it up, Tomb Robber," Marik snapped.

The other Bakura turned to face Marik, a curious expression on his tanned features. "Have we met?"

"Not you, him," Marik told him impatiently, indicating the spirit Bakura.

/This is giving me a headache./

"All right," Bakura said, having made up his mind. "Marik, leave."

"Give me the Rod!" Marik demanded angrily.

"Nope," Bakura said smugly. "I don't think so."

/'Kura, look out!/

Marik grinned-always, always, always a bad thing-and threw the camera he was holding at Bakura's head.

Ryou squeezed his mental eyes shut. _Please let me get out of this in one piece, _he prayed.

Bakura had no more hands with which to catch the incoming projectile, so the camera hit him in the middle of the forehead.

"Idiot Tomb Keeper!" Bakura howled, whipping one of the knives at him.

The other Bakura gracefully intercepted the knife before it could reach Marik.

Ryou saw a possible calamity coming, but he wasn't sure how he could avert it. Frantically searching his mind, he could only think of one thing that might do.

He seized control of the body from a protesting Bakura, and dropped the Millennium Rod and the two remaining knives, startling the other Bakura and Marik.

"Stop it!" Ryou cried, when they looked at him, momentarily forgetting one another.

Then, although he could sense _his_ Bakura's dismay, he walked seductively toward the other Bakura. "Please stop," he said in a low tone that he had learned from the spirit of the Ring. "I can take you home and…explain...things."

Ryou had to ignore Bakura's shouts and threats, which was difficult. -Ryou, you stop that RIGHT NOW! You don't know me like I do! I'll KILL him if he touches you again! HIKARI!-

Ryou gulped, hoping his blush wouldn't show, and put his hand on the other Bakura's arm, sliding it upwards to rest on the taller shoulder. "Come on, let's go."

The other Bakura watched him, calculating, before showing that feral grin again. "Yes, pretty one. Let's go."

Marik apparently thought this was hysterically funny, because he was laughing maniacally as Ryou guided the other Bakura to the door. "Have fun!" he called after them, Millennium Rod in hand again.

The other Bakura snaked a hand around Ryou's waist. Ryou blushed even more. _What have I gotten myself into?_

-I WILL KILL HIM, BY RA!-


End file.
